I am a person, too!

I'm getting really tired of being treated as a nonperson. Utility companies (among others, but I'm mad at the electric company today) that insist that everything has to be in Terry's name because he's the one with an income. And then if anything goes wrong, I can't talk to them about it because it's not in my name, so I have to interrupt Terry at work to make phone calls about things he knows absolutely nothing about because I'm the one that manages the house and pays all the bills. Grumble, grumble, grumble.

I am a person! I have a name! I have responsibilities and I honor them. Anything that Terry has done on paper in the past 12 years (other than, of course, his schoolwork and the actual engineering) was done by me. I was the one that signed him up for all his classes. I filled out student loan forms. I set up and pay for all his bills. I keep his resume updated, and find him jobs when a change is needed (thankfully not for a while). I fill out all the benefits forms. I file the taxes every year. I do all of this, even though even the thought of paperwork sends me into a panic attack. But despite all this, on paper, I barely exist. I still could not get a credit card in my name alone (well, maybe I could, but not one I'd want), because everything has been done in Terry's name. Apparently having my name on all the accounts doesn't really make a difference, because I personally have no income.

I'm sick of it. I'm a smart person, darn it. I was 3rd in my class in high school, went through college on a National Merit Scholarship and graduated with my Bachelors in just 2 years. I wrote and published a book with three children under four years old. It was a short book, and short-lived, but it was a good one. I hate when people, companies, and "official policies" make me feel like a nobody just because I choose to stay home with my children. I also hate feeling guilty for not keeping up with housecleaning (which I really, really don't like to do) because it's really my only responsibility.

I want more. I want to be more. I want to remember how it felt to be sure of myself--like back when my whole life was academics, and I was darn good at it. I knew it and everyone around me knew it, too. I want recognition from more than just my family. Not a lot, just a little. But I want it. I want something concrete at the end of the day that I can point to and say "I did this. And it's good."