In Memoriam

I have always loved names--used to name everything around me. Even my knives had names. In middle school, I started a collection of baby name books to help me think of character names for stories that I could write. But what I always looked forward to was naming my own real children. My daughters have beautiful and meaningful names--Marta Louisa after my great-grandmother (the one whose wedding picture inspired my wedding dress), Christine Angela after my best friend Angela Christine Doll (who died at the age of 14 after years of struggling with brain cancer), and Linda Marie after my favorite aunt (though I had never considered that particular name, it popped into my head when I woke up one morning--before I was even aware I was pregnant again).

But today, as I face a new year, and a new life where pregnancy and more children are no longer even an option, I would like to remember the ten children I never had with the names, lovingly chosen, that I will never give them. The following lists are approximately chronological according to the order I've considered them. Since I've only known the gender of the first (boy), I've split my lists into equal numbers of boy and girl names, with one extra of each (so 12 names). The extra names are in parentheses, and are only considered as extras because, generally speaking they are the ones that were only considered for one pregnancy, instead of kept for future possibilities.

Boys:
Randall Kemp (after my grandfather--this name on my family records for my first boy)
Michael Glen
Eugene Howard
Thomas Orion (would have been used for a boy this most recent time)
(Joseph Ammon)
Daniel Elias

Girls:
Ryn Michelle
Elora Dayne
Amethyst Rose
(Bonnie Grace--or Bonnie Jean to match the song)
Violet Olivia
Julie Elizabeth

I am sad that there are so many names I love that I never had the opportunity to use, but even more that there are so many children I never had the opportunity to know. But I remember...